HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TEACHER?
by Jeff Foxworthy
1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
*I can totally do this. What freaks the kids out is that I can tell who is WHISPERING. My eyesight may suck, but my hearing is PERFECT.
2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.
*Not so much laminating, but I love turning stickers into magnets.
3. You walk into a store and hear the words “It’s Ms/Mr.> _________” and know you have been spotted.
4. You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.
*this happens to me more often than I expected, given that I teach high school…
5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty minutes.
*I usually keep my lunches simple
6. You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and planning period.
7. You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.
*I do this, too, but more for the art teacher than for myself.
8. You believe the teachers’ lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.
*Actually, we’re campaigning for a wet bar…
9. You want to slap the next person who says “Must be nice to work 8 to 3 and have summers off.”
*Don’t even get me STARTED!
10. You believe chocolate is a food group.
11. You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
*I can also tell who’s expecting her period
12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”
*DON’T JINX US!!!
13. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.
*Yeah, but I wanted to do that even before I was a teacher…
14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.
*Not so much with this, but I DO want to regularly hose the kids down with Lysol, the little germ factories…
15. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own needs.
*This is true. I was astounded when I added up my “teacher receipts” from last year.
17. You can’t pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!
*Hi, I’m Mrs. Chili, and I’m an office supply addict…
18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a “good choice or a bad choice.”
*Not so much with this one…
19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer and finally,
21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents.
*Oh, dear GOD! You have NO idea how true this is!