Trust

This blogging stuff is potentially dangerous business.

I blog under a pseudonym.  While I’m relatively certain that someone with the desire, a passing capacity for deduction, and a little bit of time would be able to figure out who I am in real life, I try to go at least a little out of my way to stay anonymous.  I change the names (and sometimes the genders) of the people I refer to in my writing, I try not to get too specific about where I live, and I make sure I don’t bring my blog up in conversations where I don’t want that information overheard.  I reveal my true self only to people I absolutely trust and, with only one exception, that policy has paid off handsomely.

The truth of the matter is that my one exception was a doozie.  I’ve been burned by my blogging.  I lost an internship because one of my cooperating teachers didn’t like how I wrote about my experiences under her guidance (and how I felt about those experiences).  While I was careful to be vague about who I was talking about on the blog – no one reading could know that I was actually talking about her – she knew I was talking about her because I’d been honest and told her, before I ever set foot in her classroom, that I kept an online journal.  Until I disagreed with her, she was fine with it (and, just as an aside, it turns out that losing that internship was the best thing that ever happened to me during the whole of my graduate career, but that’s another story).  What I’m saying is that I’m over it, but the experience taught me to be very, very careful about my blog and who knows about it.

I’ve taken a couple of risks lately, though, but strangely, given my past experiences, I don’t feel at all uneasy about them.  Three people at CHS know that I keep this space; my boss (who I’m relatively certain doesn’t read; I don’t think she’s got the time, though I DO print out some of my reflections for her so they can go in my file), the music-teacher-slash-tech-guy (who happens to be the boss’s fiancee and is, to use the native parlance, frickin’ awesome.  Hi, Bob!), and the other day, I told Kiki.

Kiki is the first student who I’ve told about my blog*.  I told her for a couple of reasons; 1. I trust her.  She’s smart and thoughtful and I knew that if I asked her to keep it quiet (which I did), that she would (and she will),  2.  She’s graduating in a couple of weeks (sniff!) and so, technically, won’t be a student anymore – at least, not of mine (sniff!), and 3. I’m terribly proud of her and have been writing about her for a while now, and I wanted to share that with her.  I know what it does to me to overhear people saying nice things about me behind my back, and I wanted to let Kiki know that I think she’s wonderful, and that I’ve always thought so.

My girl is experiencing all the crazy, whirled-up emotions that come with transitioning into “the rest of your life.”  She’s graduating high school, and while she’s really excited about it (as well she should be), she’s also more than a little freaked out.  She’s looking down the barrel of college (she’s going to own it, but she doesn’t really believe that right now), and she’s worried about leaving the familiar for what comes next.

I told Kiki about my blog not only so that I could offer her a little bit of very public (though entirely anonymous) praise, but my reasons were also selfish; I don’t want to lose her, and I told her about this space because I knew that she’d haunt it.  It was a way to make sure the only time I get to “see” her after the first week in June isn’t just when she comes back to CHS to visit.

*to be fair, a couple of my TCC students knew about my blog (maybe even Will, now that I think about it) because they were smart enough to look up “Mrs. Chili” on the internet – at the very beginning of my tenure with TCC, I only had the mrschili email address, so that’s what I gave them.  I very quickly remedied that situation, though; I was, after all, writing about them.  My point is that Kiki is the first student I gave my blog to, and that – at least for me – means a lot.

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under admiration, I love my boss, I love my job, I've got this kid...., self-analysis, success!, Teaching, the good ones

4 responses to “Trust

  1. I got burned that way as well. I had a blog since 2005, and although I was discreet, over time a number of colleagues and family discovered it. So I was no longer able to freely express opinions.
    I enjoy having a blog and the comments, so I began another one. This time I’ll be more careful both with the content and with whom I share the fact that I blog.

  2. I write about my subbing days go. When I started I didn’t even think about hiding who I was. I even had it pulled into Facebook as notes.

    But that hasn’t been an entirely bad thing for me. It probably helps that I don’t even give kids fake names. And I can only think of 1 thing that I’ve written that I wouldn’t tell the teachers or principals face to face. I try to keep that in mind as I write.

    I also know for sure of at least 1 teacher that I’ve subbed for that reads my blog. I had her class pretty early, which probably helped in my making sure I was discreet and respectful with everything, although I’ll admit that there are a few posts that are questionable on those fronts.

  3. Penny, it definitely pays to be careful. I was just telling my students, in reference to a plot point in our novel, that keeping a secret gets exponentially harder with the more people who are in on it. You’ve gotta REALLY trust the ones you let in.

    Chris, that’s the thing; I don’t say anything here that I wouldn’t say directly to my boss. Of course, I could march into her office and let fly if I felt I needed to (and I have, in fact), and that’s what separates her from a number of other people for whom I’ve worked. She’s got it figured out, she takes things for what they are, and she understands how I process my world. I think I’m fine with the people who know. (p.s. – I read your space, Chris, but I rarely comment. I just wanted you to know that I DO visit waffle radio…)

  4. I wish I had that kind of rapport with ANYONE that I work with RL. 😦

    The only people (that I know of) who know the connection are my immediate family and an edublogger I’ve met in person.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s