Grammar Wednesday

Alternately titled; Maybe It’s a Losing Game, After All.

Falcon emailed me last night:

Hey Chili,

Here’s an email that came to my store the other day. To set up the scenario taking place here, my district manager is on vacation. In his absence, the manager of another store in the district has taken on the responsibility of sending daily emails that the DM would normally send. The following email was sent out as a summation of a conference call that had taken place the day before. The following email went out to every store in the district (aprroximately a dozen stores or so in New England), the DM, and the DM’s boss!

The following email is not edited by me in any way, shape, or form (Chili’s note: I DID edit for privacy; everything else is exactly as Falcon sent it to me):

For Managers who was not on Bruno Steven’s confrence call
Our biggest focus for this week bedside make over what we downfor the month which is only 1.3% is makeing sure u recive all info on Monday for plangramme project need to be done on Wednesday if you need to switch days off please do make sure you have enough coverage all 3 days no project while we are busy Customer come first dont work during rush hour .
Our biggest clearnce event still going on that not gonna change they gonna stay where they are at leaseline where is traffick is keep pushing it we dong great on it if you have any q please call Bruno at 123-456-7890 and he will be in warwick on Monday good luck every one.,

You have no idea how painful it was for me to write something that atrocious…

I can only hope the store manager was not the one who wrote that. I can only hope he or she asked some part-time kid to do it (even so, that kid needs to go back to school). You have no idea how hard it was for me, after reading that piece of crap, to not hit the “reply” button and say something along the lines of “Are you FUCKING kidding me?! Do you even have a GED?! Do you not know how to proofread?! Or how to ask somebody else to do it for you?!”

So, how was that for pedagogical gold? 🙂 Feel free to use it if you like, preferably changing the names and phone #’s being used, of course. (Chili’s note: done!)

Take care,


I’m starting to feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. If someone with these kinds of “skills” (and I use that word lightly) can get pretty high up in a regional (national?) retail company, what’s the point in trying to teach proper communication techniques at all?




Filed under Uncategorized

3 responses to “Grammar Wednesday

  1. No, WAY! Well, yes. I do believe it. I wish I could tape record our VP of Academics when he addresses the faculty in his “rural” vernacular. Hate. It.

  2. I just received an email from a student who had submitted the incorrect file for her assignment. Her mail read: “Thanks for any inconvenience this may have caused.” WTF?

    Well, you are very welcome.

  3. drtombibey

    Wow chili! You do have your hands full.

    There is an old saying in bluegrass: “We tune because we care.”

    I guess something similar is true for folks who doctor, write, or teach, but that kind of e-mail is bound to test your patience.

    Dr. B

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