I offer the following as proof of my entitlement:
The phone rang this morning, and on the other end was Meghan, calling from the charter school I sent my resume to last week. Remember the one where I was sparked by word that there is an opening for a sign language instructor, but that I found out via an internet search that they’re also looking for an English teacher? Well, we had a lovely chat, Meghan and I, about how excited they were to meet me and would I be available this week to come and sit down with the director of the school?
“Sure!” I said, “whenever you’d like.”
“How’s Thursday around ten?” she asked.
“Fine!” I said (though I now realize that it’s NOT fine – I promised CT I’d do a guest-speaker thing about reading film in her summer class at the university, so I have to call Meghan back to reschedule). It was at this point that I realized that I had no idea which job they had in mind for me.
“By the way, Meghan,” I said, “which position will I be interviewing for?”
(***What?! Sorry?!? Um, P.E.? As in “physical education”? As in GYM CLASS?!?***)
I managed to hold myself together remarkably well, given that this was, perhaps, the very LAST thing I expected dear Meghan to say. ME?! Teach P.E.?! HOW EVER did they get the impression that this might be something I could do?
So I asked Meghan, in as professional and composed a manner as I could, why I was being considered for that particular position. She explained that they’d looked over my resume (though, obviously, not very closely, huh?!) and saw that I work for a health club. Fitness instructor must equal P.E. teacher in their world, and they thought I’d be a great match.
I made haste to point out that my Master’s degree is in ENGLISH teaching, and that I’d really prefer to be considered for THAT job. A disoriented Meghan put me on hold for a minute to consult with someone, then came back and said “why don’t we just keep your interview time, and you can work out with the school director which position you think would be the best fit.”
Um. Yeah. Sure, okay, I guess.
So, now, I’m trying to figure a few things out.
One: what is it about my resume that makes people think “P.E.”? Because, whatever it is? I need to fix it. FAST.
Two: what if I love the atmosphere and staff and philosphy over there, but they only offer me the gym job? My state certification is in “secondary education,” which means I can teach from 5th through 12th grades – it doesn’t say ANYTHING about WHAT I can teach (though I’m more than sure I wouldn’t pass muster for “highly qualified” status as a gym teacher, even WITH my fitness certifications). Technically, then, I COULD be a gym teacher. Can you IMAGINE?!
“OKAY, kids! Today, we’re going to run relay races. The object here is to get your team over the finish line first – BUT! – there’s a catch! At each interval, there will be a bag. You must reach into the bag and pull out a slip of paper with a part of speech written on it. You cannot advance to your leg of the race until you can correctly define AND offer an example of the part of speech you’ve drawn. Ready?! Set?! GO!!”
Again, I say: