Category Archives: bad grammar

Ten Things Tuesday

Ten things my students chose to write about for their position papers:

1.  Puppy mills.  This student went ahead with this despite my recommendations that she choose another topic.  The standard for a topic was that reasonable people could disagree about the issue, and she admitted that reasonable people could not defend the heinous practices of puppy mills and yet, there it was, a paper arguing against the heinous practices of puppy mills.  Sigh.

2.  Electric Vehicles.  This one wasn’t so bad, though it was boring to read.

3.  Abortion.  Natch.  This paper was horrendous; it was all I could do to figure out what the student was trying to say.

4.  Electroshock therapy.  While this student started off strong, the paper fell apart about a quarter of the way in; he focused more on the history of the practice than on arguing that the way it’s currently being applied should be reconsidered.

5.  Animal testing.  This paper was completely incomprehensible.  Observe, a cut-and-pasted paragraph from the essay:

Martasian (student’s beliefs about animal research) found that students have more negative attitudes towards animals testing than undergraduates involved in animal research. The study also shows pervious work by examining feeling towards two nations. Some previous studies of this kind were characterized by a single nation. The same study that involves the two nations, those nations were among the British and Americans. Newkirk (wrote the book Free the animals: the story of the Animal Liberation Front) found animal welfare is more highly developed in North American than in Britain. Two groups were recruited from Britain and the United States.

Really; I have no idea what to do with that.

6.  Gay rights.  This one appeared in a couple of my classes.  One student did okay with it; the other tried to argue that gay marriage should be banned because it does not provide a good environment for children.  Needless to say, I eviscerated that paper, pointed the kid in another direction (reasonable people can argue for the separation of civil and religious marriage, so I encouraged him to take that angle) and sent the paper back for revision.

7.  Obamacare.  I told the students that they were welcomed to write about what they thought was an important issue and that, even if I staunchly disagreed with their position, they’d get the grade if they did good work with it.  This kid got all of his information from well known right-wing propaganda machines and forwarded claims that I could debunk on Google.  I sent the paper back and told him to try again.

8.  Whaling.  This was another paper that started out with a good premise but fell apart before we got to page two.

9.  NASA funding.  I haven’t read this paper yet, but the kid who wrote it wrote a surprisingly effective (and entertaining) analysis about calcium, so I have high hopes.

10.  Funding for the arts in schools.  This paper is another I haven’t read yet and, to be honest, I’m kind of dreading it; the student who’s writing it hasn’t produced anything of any kind of quality all semester (AND he admitted that he started the paper the night before it was due, despite my trying to get them to run through a drafting and revision process for weeks).  Oy.




Filed under bad grammar, composition, concerns, dumbassery, failure, frustrations, I've got this kid...., Logical Fallacies, really?!, Teaching, writing, Yikes!, You're kidding...right?

English is MESSED. UP!

This reminded me of Adam.  I wonder how he’s doing now…..



1 Comment

Filed under bad grammar, funniness, little bits of nothingness, the good ones

I… I Just… I Have No Words

I received this email from a student in the class I’m taking.  I present it to you completely unedited:

yeahh i can deff meet up this thursday after 6 if that works for everyone else so we can just get it done?? and lets come prepared with facts and current events. I have already started doing some thing but not a whole lot. Also i do not have the current version of ferg so i only have stuff from ore on our topic so bring that book if any of you guys have it!!

Please bear in mind when reading this that this young woman is a SENIOR IN COLLEGE.  Let that sink in for a second; she’s a SENIOR.  It kind of makes one wonder how she managed to get that far, doesn’t it?  It also makes me wonder where she expects to go from here.

I am both sorry for the professor (who’s going to have to read this girl’s paper and many, many like it) and SO glad that I’m taking the class as an independent study.


Filed under about writing, bad grammar, concerns, dumbassery, failure, frustrations, I can't make this shit up..., Local U., Mrs. Chili as Student, really?!, Yikes!, You're kidding...right?

Grammar Wednesday

The “by” construction.

I have no idea when kids started picking this up, but I remember jumping up and down on my freshman LU kids about it four or so years ago.  That was about when I started noticing that the students LOVED to write sentences like these,

By writing the Emancipation Proclamation, it shows that Lincoln was concerned that slavery was bad for the country.

By quoting from numerous reputable sources, it shows that Jeffers was careful in his research.

My LU kids write shit like this all the timeALL the time!  Finally, last week, I’d had it, so I did a whole lesson on why the “by” construction is terrible.

I wrote a ‘by’ sentence on the board and asked the kids what they thought of it.  No one had any objections to it at all (why would they?  they write it all the time).  Then I asked them to find the subject of the sentence.  It took them a while (which freaked me out – really?  You can’t find the subject of a sentence?!), but someone finally came up with “it.”

“YES!  IT is the subject of that sentence.  What’s the verb?”

In this case, I think it was “shows” – that’s usually the verb in “by” constructions – and they were able to find the verb much more quickly than they could discern the subject, which was at least a little gratifying.

“Cool – so we’ve got a subject and a verb.”  Now, I move in for the kill.  “What, exactly, is ‘IT’?”


“….Yeah.  That’s why this is a terrible structure.  STOP WRITING SENTENCES LIKE THIS!!”

The payoff came at the end of the class.  I had them doing scrum workshops (where they throw their essays onto a table, grab one, read it, and write the author notes and suggestions.  When they’re done, they bring that paper back, put it on the table, and grab another one.  It’s not a very neat way to workshop, but it’s effective; in a half hour or 45 minutes, one student can go through 4 or 5 papers, so it’s a great way to get a paper in front of a lot of different pairs of eyes).  One student, exhausted from the effort, came to me and said “Mrs. Chili, I have NO IDEA how you do this job.  I was ready to kill myself after about the third paper.  Oh, and I noticed that EVERY PAPER I READ had at least three or four “by” sentences in it” (emphasis mine).

Yeah, kid; I know.

1 Comment

Filed under bad grammar, Grammar

Grammar Wednesday

Mrs. Chili is kind of reveling in the fact that she’s gotten to the bottom of ALL her grading piles. Of course, all that grading left me with PILES of Grammar Wednesday topics – pointing out the difference between then and than, getting the kids to write people who instead of people that, and beating into them that while it may be considered standard English to say different than, when they’re writing for me, they need to use the different from construction.


Anyway, I’m eager to step back from my role as a teacher and get into full-on vacation mode, so I’m leaving you with this. I found it on Pinterest a while back, and it cracked me right up.

Leave a comment

Filed under bad grammar, General Griping, Grammar

Grammar Wednesday

I’m recycling topics, you guys.  If there’s an issue you want me to address, fire off an email, please.  Otherwise, you’re going to keep getting retreads:

Less vs. fewer

image credit

This is really a question about whether one understands the difference between a count and a non-count noun; which one we have will determine the adjective we use.

A count noun is… duh… something you can count.  Remember that it’s not something you WOULD count, necessarily – snowflakes and stars are both count nouns – but they’re things you COULD count.  When you’ve got a countable noun, you would use fewer:

There were fewer fans at the football stadium once the team started their spectacular losing streak.

The new brand of oil means your car requires fewer oil changes in an average year.

A non-count noun is… duh… something you can’t count, even if you wanted to.  They’re words like money (but not dollars), rain, (but not raindrops), and furniture (but not chairs or couches; see the difference?):

The area had significantly less rain this summer than last, which means fewer trees will reach their full autumn color.

Joni makes less money than Jack, even though she does twice the work and makes fewer mistakes.

All those signs in grocery stores that direct you to the “ten items or less” registers are wrong because items is a count noun (as are groceries, and pretty much anything that you can put on a conveyor belt).  Tell them so for me.



Filed under bad grammar, Grammar

A General Announcement

When writing a note, email, or letter to an English teacher, it’s probably best not to use words like “gonna,” “wanna,” or “hafta.”

I added to it to expand my point, i had an incomplete for my grade, I’m guessing that meant i could re-work it. If you wanna look at it that would be great. thanks.

Also, “I” as a personal pronoun is always capitalized.

That is all…


Filed under bad grammar, dumbassery, frustrations, little bits of nothingness, really?!

Grammar Wednesday


I know I’ve blogged about this before (in fact, I think it was about a Cheerios box), but I’m writing about it again because people STILL don’t get it.

I am sitting on the couch, working while my husband is watching t.v. A ad came on and I heard, “One in five relationships start online.”

Um, no. ONE in five relationships STARTS online. “One” is SINGULAR. It requires a SINGULAR verb. ONE relationship STARTS; FIVE relationships START.

Just for verification, I went online and discovered that the same sentence is on the opening screen of their website, too.

Advertising companies really need someone to double-check their grammar.


Filed under bad grammar, failure, I can't make this shit up..., out in the real world, really?!, Yikes!

Hey, Chili! How’s the New Term Going?

Well, I’m glad you asked!  It’s going pretty well, actually!

I have two classes first thing in the morning – English III/IV is first, followed immediately by the writing workshop class – so my schedule is exactly the same, time-wise, as it was last term.  I like that a lot; having to set myself to a different time schedule sometimes takes me a lot longer than I like, and I always feel a little off-kilter until I figure it out.

My first class is populated by 15 juniors and seniors (though I think I’ve only got two seniors in the class; the rest are juniors).  One of those kids is a boy I had in my III/IV class last term.  You might remember him; he’s one of the kids who didn’t do anything.  Anyway, he’s taking my class again because he didn’t earn any credit for last term.  He’s likely not going to earn any credit this term, either, if his “performance” thus far is any indication.  Sigh.  There’s also the kid whom I’ve only seen once thus far; he’s got “transportation issues” that prevent him from getting to class.  Oh, and then there’s his girlfriend, a tough little knot of teenager who thinks she’s dangerous when, really, she’s only a threat to herself.

Those are my challenges this term; the rest of the class is really pretty on the ball.  I’ve got a couple of the out-and-proud members of the school’s ‘geek squad’ in the class, and though they complain enthusiastically about having to read, they must be doing it because they’ve been coming to class with something to say.  I’ve also got three kids who, by general consensus of the teachers in the building, are the smartest we’ve got.  They are a lot of fun because they challenge the class in positive ways – they’re willing to talk during our discussions and they bring up ideas and questions that the rest of the class seems pretty willing to entertain.  So far, it’s going really well.

My Writing Workshop was designed as a remedial course for kids who failed English I/II last term, but I’m not exactly sure that’s how the class is shaking out.  I’ve got a couple of kids who really don’t need to be there; they passed my course last term, but because there’s nothing else being offered in that time slot that they need, they ended up in the class.  Now, having said that, there are a bunch of kids in the room who REALLY DO need to be there; I’ve got one kid with a 40-something average in the class right now.

We started that class with the basic parts of speech – nouns and verbs – and spent the whole week on them.  I covered the different forms of nouns (common, proper, collective, that kind of thing) and a number of the different tenses of verbs.  I think it was verb tenses that fried their little circuits; I’m still not entirely sure they understand the difference between simple present and present progressive tenses.  I’ll go over them again as we continue on.  Next week, we’ll review pronouns (objective and subjective in particular, though we’ll also cover that tricky who/whom problem) and get through adjectives and adverbs.  I’m thinking I will pound the grammar until February break; when we come back, we’ll start writing.

Oh, and just as an aside; the school’s director and the music teacher (who happen to be engaged) are in a grudge match to see who can get the highest grade in my grammar course.  I’m giving them all the quizzes the kids get, and they’ll take all the exams and assessments.  So far, though, only the music teacher has given me anything back (I wonder if I should give the director some pink paper?).  He’s got a 97 average in the class (he missed identifying a noun in a sentence on the noun quiz, and he messed up a tense in the verb quiz – it was that simple present/present progressive problem I was talking about earlier).  This is going to be fun.

The Pink Paper Policy is in full force; if a student doesn’t hand in a homework assignment, that student hands me a piece of obnoxiously pink paper with his or her name, the date, and the assignment’s name written on it (in the student’s handwriting).  My plan is to hold on to all that paper so that, when I meet the parents during the first grading milestone and they demand to know why their little angel is failing my class, I can produce the stack of Angel’s pink paper and ask the parents why they think it is that s/he doesn’t think it’s worth the time to do the work.  We talked, during our last staff meeting, about instituting a “no late work” policy across the board (it should be noted here that, of the seven member staff, five of us already have that policy in our syllabi).  I think the kids blame me for the fact that their other teachers are now handing them pink paper when they blow off an assignment.  Oh, well…

Finally, I’ve decided to take a class this term; I’m in my colleague’s Film and Society class.  The group has met three times so far, and while I’m not quite sure where my friend is going with the course, I’m enjoying being a student.  The teacher has told me that, at some point, he’s going to ask me to stop doing the homework (which is online) because he wants to see how much I’m influencing the level of discourse and participation, but we’ve already joked (ruefully) about how little these kids seem to appreciate that, even when something is posted online, grammar, spelling, and style still count.

All in all, it’s going exceedingly well.  I love my job, and I feel very, very lucky to have landed where I have.

1 Comment

Filed under admiration, bad grammar, colleagues, critical thinking, frustrations, General Griping, I love my boss, I love my job, Learning, Mrs. Chili as Student, parental units, reading, self-analysis, student chutzpah, success!, Teaching, the good ones, Yikes!

Shakespeare Kitteh

You know, for an English teacher, I have an inordinately large place in my heart for LOLs.  This one hit me today.

I’m pretty sure it should be “thy foul grammar”… or maybe that’s the point…

1 Comment

Filed under bad grammar, funniness, little bits of nothingness