You guys; I mean it – I cannot make this shit up.
This morning, after shutting Jimmy down several times as he tried to do anything but the work the class was doing, he got up, grabbed the bathroom pass, and disappeared.
Now, to be fair, I give the kids a fair bit of leeway when it comes to bathroom breaks. This is due mostly to the fact that we only have two restrooms for both the school (which consists of 70-something kids) and several other businesses on our floor (one of which seems to be staffed by a bunch of crack heads, but that’s a post for another time). I’ve had to wait more than five minutes to get into the ladies’ room (and that’s after banging on the door to try to encourage haste on the part of the occupant), so I don’t give the kids too much grief for being longer out of the classroom than I would like.
Anyway, Jimmy was gone even longer than I’m willing to allow for (I started getting twitchy at about 10 minutes). I mean, we’re responsible for the kids on our roster, and I’m not wild about the idea of a kid under my command wandering around unsupervised; if my boss comes and asks where So-and-So is, I like to be able to tell her, right? So, I fired off a text to the secretary and asked her if she could see Jimmy (her office is right by the bathrooms). She told me no, but also said that the men’s room door was closed.
A few minutes later (we’re up to about 15-20 minutes by now). I get this in my inbox. No lie:
this is jimmy. just so you know, and also so i don’t have to announce it to the class when i get back, my stomach is killing me (cont.) which is why ive been in the bathroom for so long.
No shit, you guys; this moron emailed me from his phone, from the bathroom, to make an excuse about why he was gone so long.
If it didn’t actually happen to me, I wouldn’t believe it, either.