Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things I’m sick of saying to my students:

1. Don’t start sentences with “So.”

2. Don’t start sentences with prepositions – they are meant to connect words, phrases, or clauses, not to introduce a new idea.

3. Break your writing into paragraphs, please. One long paragraph is unacceptable. One long sentence is grounds for justifiable homicide.

4. Proofread your writing before you submit it to me. Better yet, have someone ELSE proofread it. Make the corrections that proofreading suggests.

5. Don’t include words or phrases like “ya know?” or “anyhoo” in writing you are submitting for a grade. Try to write in a professional voice.

6. Spell out “at,” “you,” “with,” and “because” in writing you submit for a grade. Putting “@,” “u,” “w/,” and “cuz” in papers for school will lower your grade significantly.

7. THERE is a pronoun or an adverb – “put it there” or “there were roses in the garden.” THEIR is a plural possessive – “their coats are in the closet” or “their dorm room is on the second floor.” Figure this out.

8. A lot is TWO words.

9. READ the assignment. If you were asked to write a three paragraph description, write THREE paragraphs and actually DESCRIBE something (see #3).

10. I do not accept late homework, regardless of how sorry your story is, unless we’ve previously agreed to adjust the due date. Check your syllabus or talk to a classmate if you don’t remember the TWO HUNDRED TIMES I’ve repeated this policy.

11. Yes, I read everything you write. If I asked for ten pages from all of my twenty students, I will read ALL TWO HUNDRED PAGES. If you put in the effort to write it, I will put in the effort to read it. Please don’t stick random song lyrics or a “howdy, Mrs. Chili – are you still reading this” in the middle just to test me.

12. You may revise anything I’ve graded and hand it back for another shot at a better grade. I’m not guaranteeing that you’ll GET the better grade, but I will reconsider anything that has been reworked.

13. I do not give grades, you earn them. If you hand me nothing, I hand you back a zero. By the same token, if you hand me something spectacular, I will celebrate you publicly if you’ll let me.

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11 Comments

Filed under General Griping

11 responses to “Thursday Thirteen

  1. Were we separated at birth? I swear, I spend so much time saying the very same things.

  2. This is part of why I am obsessively checking your blog, Tense. I take comfort in our shared misery…

  3. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?

    PLEASE!!! tell me yer kidding! That’s just rediculous.

    (Are you still reading this Mrs. Chili?)

    I’ve always THOUGHT about doing that, but a student can tell almost right away when a prof isn’t reading.

  4. I used to do that when I was in high school because I knew the teacher didn’t really read, she just counted pages. That’s one reason I make sure I read every single word my students submit to me.

    If they use internet cutesy code, they have to do an additional paper on a subject I know they will hate.

    Cuz I H8 the cutesy code. LOL LOL LOL ROTFLMAO

  5. I have a really clear memory of being in NINTH GRADE and learning that it’s a lot not alot. Previously I thought there were loopholes like alright/all right and aside/a side. Still, though, that was in NINTH GRADE. Sigh. I would like to know what kinds of teachers they had that they think that you aren’t reading the whole of whatever they’re writing. Those teachers? Owe you a drink.

  6. J.

    This makes me giggle.
    In a sad sort of way though.
    Do you know, I actually heard on the news awhile back, how some schools were thinking about putting a ‘millenium english’ class into the works? You guessed it … that would include all of that stupid speak they do on messenger.
    Save me, please.
    LOL.
    (that LOL is there for sarcastic purposes *wink*)

  7. Point 6 makes me want to weep – that you have to even include it.

  8. I also believe in and say often your numbers twelve and thirteen. I have homophone/graph quizzes for the first semester and would you think they’d get them… I’ll leave the answer to you.
    Great TT, I posted mine early and was surprised to hear they are ending. Well, I’ve found some great blogs anyway.

  9. So, their still not catching on despite yr efforts, that sux, anywho, I just had to leave a comment, ya know?

    *sprints out of comments section*

  10. Mrs. Chili

    HAHAHAHAH, Blue! That’s it, exactly. I’m not kidding when I say that there are a lot – the majority, depending on which class we’re talking about – who submit papers for grades with writing just like that….

  11. How many TEACHERS know that “a lot” is TWO
    words? Arrgh!

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